Solitude – a gift and a burden
Three weeks of not being fully in the “out there” world ends tomorrow. Monday I am back in the mad rush of DOING DOING DOING…
F*k it – who is this idiot that keeps on calling – 3 calls in short succession, no message, then also calling the home phone. Some cell number I do not know. YES I FILTER AND I WILL NOT APOLOGISE FOR IT.
Who the hell said we should be permanently available – WHERE IS THE RESPECT FOR OTHERS’ BOUNDARIES GONE?!
Phew – ok pulled the cord from the home phone and mobile is on silent and turned face down so that I do not see the flashing light on the BlackBerry indicating messages, emails, FB posts etc etc etc – actually I need to take it out of the room because otherwise I can hear the crackle effect on my PC speakers interfering with Arno Carstens’ latest CD which is just what my mood needs right now.
Cannot believe it – call number 4 as I moved the phone out of the room … Yes I know it may be an urgent message but we all need a break.
Ok – breathing deep and breathing easy – contemplative mood back. So what is solitude … Google search revealed -
1) state of being alone, or withdrawn from society; a lonely life; loneliness.
2) remoteness from society; destitution of company; seclusion; — said of places; as, the solitude of a wood.
3) solitary or lonely place; a desert or wilderness.
I am finding that I really enjoy people and their company but that it is becoming more and more important for me to also be on my own. Spend time with mySelf - that inner Self that seems to know so much but that I have hardly ever given the space to BE – and there lies the gift of solitude.
You can breathe out and just BE. Not live up to any external standard or expectation - authentically what you feel like in the moment, listening to the inner voice, paying attention to last night’s dream message from the inner world.
SO ironic – the Christian Old Testament paid lots of attention to dreams – today we laugh it off – think it’s just nonsense. I have long stopped laughing in that way – in stead I am appreciating my inner Self’s wicked sense of humour and dogged determination to help me grow and become who I really am in this lifetime.
Hence the fall of Lady Godiva into lady “go-diving”. In more ways than one I had to connect with mother earth, connect with my inner voice, get my balance back, stop and listen, pay attention to my inner feminine intuition and wisdom. Thank You for the lesson – even though it is not pleasant and all lightness of being … Is growth not always of this dark and painful kind – the going through the fire?
Monday will be a challenge and a bit overwhelming I know – I shall keep breathing and will remember the inner connection in my bones and listen to my body during this recovery of my balance – physically and psychologically.
And I shall keep my solitude as a gift and a burden until I find what Rilke’s quote describes so aptly – do not ask me who he/she is.
And this more human love (that will fulfill itself, infinitely considerate and gentle, and kind and clear in binding and releasing) will resemble that which we are preparing with struggle and toil, the love that consists in this, that two solitudes protect and border and salute each other.
Loving the different parts, giving each a space. 
